No matter how “enlightened” I feel in from my perch in the Green Mountains, everything shifts when I return to the place of my origin by the sea.
Once arriving in the arms of my extended family, I feel both a sense of “sweet belonging” and complete uprooted-ness.
Within 48 hours among familiar faces & places, the old feelings of inadequacy, confusion and anxiety consume my previously clear mind.
I begin to panic, wondering how these old “enemies” continue to find me here. Where do they hide?
But there are angels too. Friends who mention breath on Facebook. You Tube prayers of peace.
And I discover something new about these old uncomfortable expressions of expectation: If I remain present to them, however excruciating, they dissipate, quickly, and I am “myself” again, wherever I am–especially here among the salt water and the sand and the sea.
I used to think that life was a journey from A to Z, but now I know that peace IS an every moment kind of thing.