I’m afraid of easy,
Suspicious of effortless,
Terrified of sudden.
I like to earn it.
With struggle.
Suffering.
Angst.
Even the simplest things.
Otherwise,
it’s not fair.
Otherwise,
I’m apart
instead of among.
Otherwise
I’m at risk.
Which is to say,
I’m happiest,
In retrospect.
The safest way to play.
The past is past.
Preserved.
Protected.
Untouchable.
Unseen.
~
(“happiest in retrospect” line from: TODAY WILL BE DIFFERENT by Maria Semple.)