January Thaw


It’s January in New England, and we’ve just gotten our first, true cold snap–waking to temperatures hovering at zero.

For those of us who heat with wood, the morning is steeped in conflict: hide from the cold or dash down to the woodstove for warmth.

Funny that it’s the frozen world that finally reveals to me that which I have ignored:

I am frozen too.

It’s not my toes or my nose that I’m talking about, but me: I’ve been living my life–it’s up and its downs–without feeling it inside.

How long has it been… The holiday season? Our crazy autumn of murders and floods? Since the mid-life hormonal shift of early summer? An entire year ago when I began this new job? Or have I lived a lifetime of numbness; or more accurately–a lifetime of moving in and out of feeling and freezing?

January seems an unfortunate time to realize that I want to thaw.

Kelly Salasin, January 4, 2012