Tomorrow, my job starts for real–as in a message has been sent to the Directors of 22 countries, introducing me and my new email address. No more hiding out from the reality I co-created.
Last week, I did a general orientation day with the Director which put me into a free fall. Tomorrow, things get more serious, as I am introduced to the nuts and bolts of my responsibilities with the previous administrative assistant.
As I sit down on my front porch with a cup of green tea, I realize that I am avoiding my dreams. I have a pile of materials to go through from work, but I haven’t spent much time with them.
Granted I did have to run out of state for an emergency, and it was the Thanksgiving holiday, and there is a lot of laundry and other chores to catch up on–but I’ve spent the rest of my time–writing–in fear that our relationship will be left in the dust of my hours away from home and the responsibilities that will crowd my thoughts.
My husband called me three times today to encourage me to face my work, but I keep postponing it. I’m wanting to savor these last moments of a freely engaged mind.
Though it’s really not true, I begin to wish that my life wasn’t changing. I feel sad about giving up my slow mornings and self-directed afternoons. I want to hold onto that which I am accustomed.
But I can’t. Because if I do, I’m running away from my dreams, and what’s the point of having them, if we don’t make them come true?
Kelly Salasin, November 29, 2010
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Two Owls Calling 