Who’s In Charge Here?

Is it me or does anyone else expect a “Get Out of Jail FREE card” due to enlightenment?

Because once I realized that the hot coal burning beneath my ribs was old fear reactivated by the possibility of expansion, I expected the pain to go away.

It got worse.

I know that what we give our attention to grows, so after moaning and groaning, I accepted the heightened experience of discomfort, knowing that what was to follow was utter relief and integration.

It didn’t.

That doesn’t seem fair.

I actually had to call my doctor.

I almost bailed on my last year of Trick or Treating with my youngest son.

What’s up with that?

I wish there was some energetic police or some vibrational board of directors to whom I could bring this complaint.

Maybe Marianne Williamson, or Deepak Chopra or Carolyn Myss or to whomever is your enlightenment Guru. (And who do they complain to?)

And why was that pristine day of enlightenment followed up by such an excruciating experience of my humanity?

And once I did the work of allowing the pain, feeling the fear, noticing the strings to the past, sensing the attachments to the future–why did it not subside?

Didn’t I get it right?

Obviously not.

To add insult to injury, someone just “tagged” me in a photo on Facebook where my thighs are looking very… ( I don’t want to say, but you can imagine, and now it’s all I can think about.)  And this came, right after I led a beautiful YogaDance class after which I was filled–utterly filled–with sweet equanimity–without a care for appearance.

Why is the human experience filled with such contradictions?

And to whom do I complain to (and question) about all this?

Kelly Salasin, November 1, 2010, am

Note: to read the companion posts that preceded this one, click the links below:

The Fire of Fear

The Mask

Crap, I Need a Job

or to read more about the body’s pain as a messenger, click this post below:

The Body’s Instant Messenging (IM) System